At midnight, leaving my bed and sneaking to the roof in order to gaze at the stars and question my very own existence is something that I often want to do, but I never do because, 1) my home is single-storied with no stairs to the roof and climbing up through the wall at midnight is not an intelligent thing to do, and 2) years after years, the ever-increasing pollution has made it impossibly hard to enjoy the sight of sky full of stars and it breaks my heart when I see only a few lonely stars in the dark end-less sky. Therefore, I just close my eyes to the question of my very own existence and fall asleep.
However, it’s not very late that I wake up to reality where the same questions haunt my mind. But what exactly is reality? What is it that defines who we are? Funny, interesting, horrifying, or absurd it may seem, but it is a question whose mystery is unparallel to any other question. This is where this crazy idea often comes to my mind. It is that life is actually a simulation or a video game running inside my head, where I am playing the character of myself – the protagonist in this video game called life. Not just that, I sometimes think it’s the same simulation for everyone. Everyone is being tested out with the same plot, the same side characters and then it blows my mind how different paths could one possibly take. The idea detaches me from my surroundings, from the people I know, from the things I possess, and the matters I care about. They start seeming temporary and other-worldly to me.
As I let go of of the ropes that I had clung to for several years, I am carried away by the ferocious stream of thoughts to an uncharted territory. I think about myself and my role in this universe, or video game, whatever it is. The people and the things start feeling unimportant to me. They are there, still a part of my story, but it is not they who make my story, it is me who makes my story. Perhaps it’s the Game Designer who makes my story, but it’s certainly not the people. But soon afterward, I am back in this world where the reality is too real to be denied. But having thought these dangerous thoughts, there’s no way back. This malicious thought has already hacked my brain, so I must learn to survive with it. I feel lost in this world, where everything is artificial. No one knows who they are, why they are, and if they are there for real. So, I get lost – trying to find my way across this ocean of people headed towards nowhere.
However, this video game is not that simple. It has one major difference, a bug, a glitch in the matrix: There is no extra life; there’s neither a checkpoint nor a Ctrl+Z. So in this game of life, you must be extremely cautious; there’s simply no room for failure.
This whole concept of life as a video game seems at times, way too dumb and at times, way too intelligent, like an easter-egg that only I know about. It’s dumb because, well you know it’s dumb. And intelligent because that is the actual role you are supposed to play in your real life. You have to rise above the standards that are based upon other people. You just have to control your own character and make your own decisions. The secondary characters are a part of your story, not your entire story and that is where you are found by your real challenge – the challenge of changing yourself, your decisions, and your behavior so that you complete the missions that are due on you and you only. Let me warn you, it’s a difficult game. But it’s totally worth playing till the end!
This piece is a humble attempt to pay tribute to a phenomenal poem by Talal Athar titled “Neo 94“. The story’s title is a verse from the poem.
Comments
I also often think about this who we are? and yeah I agree life is like a game where everyone has their task to do, second thing is that I am still waiting in my city area to see a sky full of stars 🙂
I was expecting to see stars on the recent blackout night, but there were clouds unfortunately that day. I was able to see 7 stars only that night. My personal best in Lahore has been 15 stars. I wonder if children nowadays can imagine that some years back, the stars one saw in the sky were infinite and uncountable.
Today you can see stars go and watch I have seen a full moon with 10 to 15 stars, and a coma star cluster. Actually Today I was trying to see commit in my city area 🙂
Yeah 100% our life is just like a video game. Wonderful thoughts.
Yup, a very difficult but interesting one. Thanks!